How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
