I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
