Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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