I wish i was in the wii world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
