My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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