I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
