He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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