oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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