so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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