Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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