Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
