You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize