yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
