dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
