dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
