Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
