I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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