I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
