apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
