Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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