I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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