my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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