ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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