I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
