I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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