Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
