Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
