Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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