oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
