So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
