I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
