I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
