So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
