Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
