God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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