He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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