He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bring me that man meat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
