just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
