i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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