when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
