Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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