I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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