My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
