those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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