Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
