he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
