i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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