You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
