my mouth tastes like poor choices
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
