Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
