she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
