a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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