I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
