Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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