Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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