i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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