Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
