I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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