hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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