I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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