the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
