Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
